30 Oct Family, Fear and Faith

Sometimes fear gets in the way of us doing what we want and sometimes what we need. I was well into my high school years, when I found out that my paternal grandmother was a breast cancer survivor and had undergone a Mastectomy (the surgical removal of one or both breast) in the early 1960’s. She passed away in 1999. Today, she would be somewhere between 100 and 106 years old. I am not sure. My father isn’t either, because she grew up in a time where women were not as forth coming about their age in order to be able to work. She was a smart, loving and beautiful woman. I spent weekends with her and later in her life she spent a few years living with our family. I recall her talking to our family dog, Beauty, through the window, making smothered pork chops and walking to what was then called 32^nd Street Market and University Village. There’s also the memory of the first time I saw the insert for her bra. I wasn’t sure why she was “stuffing her bras” so I asked my mother. The conversation was short and brief, No details except that she had a breast removed due to breast cancer.

To this day I know little and an attempt to have a conversation with my father was unsuccessful. What he shared is that he believes he was between 7 and 8 years old but he does not recall any details regarding the diagnosis. Initially, I was first confused and then I processed the era, my father’s age, and how personal an experience as such could be for a woman. I then thought Grandma was:

• Resilient
• Strong

After talking to my father about my grandmother I was reminded how difficult grief is. To have a conversation about my grandmother is not an easy feat for my dad. I reckon he’s still processing through the stages of grief (I will talk grief another time). Although little details are known, being aware of her diagnosis and her survival are the most important facts. Those two factors alone have motivated me to do the following:

• Support breast cancer causes
• Share information
• Encourage family and friends to conduct breast self-exams and obtain mammograms

On the other side of my motivation was fear. I was afraid to get a mammogram. Why? The unknown is scary. What if it hurts? When I turned 40, I put it off and made up every excuse in the book. My sister, on the other hand had three or four mammograms prior to her 40^th Birthday. My fear was getting in the way of both my physical well being and my mental health. I was afraid to get a mammogram because I was fearful of the result. However, not getting the mammogram resulted in recurring thoughts of why I needed to and again the fear of what if. I allowed fear to interfere with my faith. Eventually, I scheduled my mammogram appointment and it was not as painful as I had heard. Although the mammogram results were not instantaneous, my anxiety decreased almost instantly after the exam was over. My life was in God’s hands. It was in that moment that I was reminded that I was creating stress by not making my health a priority, but also how procrastination and avoidance does not make matters go away. With that said, here are a few action steps:

• Learn your family history
• Conduct breast self-exams
• Obtain a mammogram based on age or family history
• Be proactive in your health