13 Nov Saying “No” Is Saying “Yes” to You!

You ever second guess yourself and went to a party you didn’t want to attend? Have you ever bought something you didn’t need but wanted and it was out of your budget? If you answered yes, give yourself some grace because you are not alone. This is when you take a step back, self-reflect and get comfortable with setting boundaries. I know, I know… easier said than done but let’s talk about the importance of setting boundaries and being comfortable with saying “No”.

For years, when friends and family would ask me to help, or attend a function I would just say yes. Sometimes I did not even look at my calendar which attributed to me over-extending myself. What I didn’t realize at the time, is how this over-commitment would result in:

• Fatigue
• Forgetfulness
• Decline in my physical health
• Decline in mental well-being

As a result, I was irritable, struggling with follow through on some of my commitments which then lead to unhealthy habits (ie. lack of physical exercise, poor eating habits, neglecting relationships and responsibilities). I had to learn that sometimes saying “NO” to people and things was saying “yes” to me. You know the phrase, “You can’t pour from an empty cup”.

Establishing boundaries means to set limits. When you set limits, you are providing yourself with an opportunity to devote time to your self-care needs; whatever that may be for you. You are also providing friends and family insight on how to treat you. One of the things I have done for a few years now to set limits is silence my phone at 10pm. Some people have challenged my boundaries with the question, “What if someone calls you and it’s an emergency?” My response is: if it’s an emergency, they should call 9-1-1. Some people are offended by my response, and all those people are still very dear to my heart and have come to understand how boundary setting is important for me.

Here are some ways that you can set boundaries:

• Identify who and what may attribute to you feeling anxious or uneasy.

Determine situations or people that increase your stress levels so that you know what boundaries need to be established.

• Leave work at work.

This can be difficult considering a large percent of our time is spent at work. Identify a set amount of time for you to process how your workday went and then let it go.

• Take breaks from technology

In 2020 we are glued to our phones. This codependency impedes on our relationship building and our ability to fully be present with family and friends.

• Be direct in your communication

Ambiguity allows the people around you to come to their own conclusion.

Look… most people struggle with setting boundaries in one area on another. Take some time to assess how setting limits would be beneficial for you (this may vary from one situation to another). Identify who or what in your life may need to be removed or adjusted and let’s do the work. This may be difficult at first, but it will be worth it. We are in this together. If you need ideas for self-care activities check out the resource tab at www.selfcareadvocacy.com.

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